More Morning Sex, Please!
Sex may not be what's on your mind when the alarm goes off, but starting the day with a bang can be awesome
Yes, the a.m. can lack certain erotic qualities—e-mail beckons from your phone, your breath isn't its most minty fresh, and the glare of sunlight might feel anything but seductive. Worst of all, you haven't had any coffee yet. Add in that some experts say women are more likely to reach orgasm later in the day, and morning sex doesn't seem to be anything worth losing sleep over. But for guys—and I should know because I am one—the exact opposite is true. You might even say we're always up for it!
Don't blame us. It just works out that our testosterone levels peak in the a.m. But here's a little secret: A woman's testosterone also peaks in the morning, and it controls sexual desire and satisfaction for you as much as for him. That means sex as the sun comes up could be the very best sex of the day.
If you're using one of the following excuses to avoid getting it on when you first wake up, here's how to kick your hesitation out of bed—and have some fun keeping yourself in it.
"Mornings are rushed."
To enjoy sunrise sex, you have to chill out. "For women to reach full levels of arousal, they need to be relaxed," says Tammy Nelson, Ph.D., author of Getting the Sex You Want. "But many women have told me that in the morning they're already thinking about their day, worrying about getting up and out."
To stay what Nelson calls "sensually focused," break the habit of checking your work e-mail on your phone while lying in bed. Reading the report that your insomniac coworker composed late the night before isn't going to light anyone's fire.
If you still feel too rushed to take time out, you may just have to trick yourself. After all, you set the alarm early so you can hit snooze once or twice. Why not do it for sex too? Regena Thomashauer, the founder of Mama Gena's School of Womanly Arts, which educates women on the power of their sensuality, recalls one couple who made a point of setting their alarm clock an hour earlier every Friday, specifically so they could stay in bed.
"That's a lovely solution to finding time for morning sex in a life that might be too hectic otherwise," she says.
"I don't feel sexy in the morning."
If your fears about bad odor or breath are killing the mood, I can attest that guys also have their share of self-consciousness about these things. There's no shame in keeping a tin of mints by the bed. Even a swig of water from a bottle on your nightstand can go a long way toward freshening up one's breath—moist mouths collect less bacteria. (It also might come in handy after an athletic romp.) Or, as long as you promise to hop right back in the sack, duck into the bathroom to brush your teeth or gargle mouthwash.
You could also skirt the breath issue by skipping kissing altogether. Lux Alptraum, CEO of the erotic blog Fleshbot, recommends a basic cowgirl position with you on top facing him. Or, if you're ready to rise and shine, stand up and let him take you from behind. To compensate for the lack of kissing, she says, "There's plenty of opportunity for him to whisper all sorts of sexy things into your ear."
"I'm just not feeling it."
With our testosterone levels peaking in the early hours of the day, guys wake up ready to have the best (or at least the longest-lasting) sex of the day. Women don't wake up with the same degree of obvious arousal, but the good news is that your body's chemistry is actually primed for morning sex too.
High levels of testosterone increase sexual desire, and amped up amounts of oxytocin post-sex make you want to bond.
To get in the mood, try asking your man to describe what's going on down there and what he might like to do about it. "You may be surprised how a little sweet talk can turn you on," says Nelson. As a bonus, the oxytocin-induced extra closeness and trust can give couples a kick start to try more imaginative or intimidating positions instead of the usual routine ones.
But if you're the type who isn't alert until you've had your coffee, you might prefer positions that don't require much exertion. Nelson suggests the "can opener position," which is missionary with one leg bent upward, maybe even resting on his shoulder. "This allows for close and deep penetration without too many gymnastics," she says.
"It's too bright!"
Candlelight is sexy. Stark daylight is less so. But relationship experts say it's important, at some point in a committed twosome, to bare all. You want to build the kind of trust and acceptance with your partner that lets you feel body-confident in any kind of light. After all, you haven't really been naked in front of someone until you've been naked in the full glare of day.
But if you're still feeling a little shy, Nelson suggests taking it slowly and adding just a bit of covering. "If you're not ready to go for all-out exposure, keep the sheet on part of your body," she says. "Wrap a blanket around your legs. Or even welcome him under your tent of blankets. Sometimes you'll find that the sheets come off or the tent ends up on the floor." And there you are, in all of your morning glory.